131 Best Funny Travel Quotes

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Want to know all the best funny travel quotes? We’ve got you covered with all of our favorites!

I’ve scoured the internet for all the best funny travel quotes.

Here’s what I found.

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Top 10 Funny Travel Quotes

1. “Reality called, so I hung up.” – Anonymous

2. “I love my job, only when I’m on vacation.” – Anonymous

3. “Plane tickets are the answer. Who cares what the question is.” – Anonymous

4. “I would totally give up travel, but I’m not a quitter.” – Anonymous

5. “My favorite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.” – Anonymous

6. “This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of Covid. Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.” – Anonymous

7. “I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation, so I’m ignoring them all.” – Anonymous

8. “If you had to choose between true love or traveling the world, which country would you visit first?” – Anonymous

9. “I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach.” – Anonymous

10. “My mom watches a special type of news program that only reports on horrible incidents happening in places I’m about to visit.” – Anonymous

"I would totally give up travel, but I'm not a quitter." - Anonymous

Funny Travel Quotes By Famous Authors

11. “You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.” – Paul Theroux

12. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain

13. “A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” – John Steinbeck

14. “I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal.” – Jarod Kintz

15. “I travel light but not at the same speed.” – Jarod Kintz

16. “I travel a lot, I hate having my life disrupted by routine.” – Caskie Stinnett

17. “Spain travel tip: if bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.” – Dave Barry

18. “Backpacking is the art of knowing what not to take.” – Sheridan Anderson

19. “The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts.” – Anthony Price

20. “Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.” – Meaghan O’Connell

21. “Road trips require a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes – oh, and directions.” – Jenn McKinlay

22. “It’s only quarantine if it’s in the quarante province of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling isolation.” – Vikram Paralkar

23. “A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.” – Tom Lichtenheld

24. “What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?” – P.G. Wodehosue

"I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them." - Mark Twain

Funny Travel Quotes By Other Notable Names

25. “Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.” – George Carlin

26. “Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.” – Steve Martin

27. “A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.” – Chelsea Handler

28. “I have been to almost as many places as my luggage.” – Bob Hope

29. “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.” – Al Gore

30. “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.” – Jerry Seinfeld

31. “There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror.” – Orson Welles

32. “Don’t worry about the world ending today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz

33. “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” – Henry Youngman

34. “I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags.” – Guy Clark

35. “The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.” – Russel Baker

36. “There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.” – Theo Cowan

37. “Vacation resort rule number one: apparently, if you place a towel on a chair, you own said chair forever.” – Mike Scully

38. “The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.” – Desmond Morris

"A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time." - Chelsea Handler

Our Favorite Long Funny Travel Quotes

39. “My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumble a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.” – Dennis Miller

40. “Me before vacation: I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything. Me on vacation: orders fancy drinks, rides a camel, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.” – Anonymous

41. “Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland.” – Anonymous

Funny Travel Quotes In Five Words Or Less

42. “Adventure without risk is Disneyland.” – Douglas Coupland

43. “Jet lag is for amateurs.” – Dick Clark

44. “Vacation calories don’t count right?” – Anonymous

45. “I need Vitamin Sea.” – Anonymous

46. “If traveling was free… bye.” – Anonymous

47. “Work hard. Travel harder.” – Anonymous

48. “I’m not lost, I’m exploring.” – Anonymous

49. “Life’s a beach.” – Anonymous

50. “Work, save, travel, repeat.” – Anonymous

"If traveling was free... bye." - Anonymous

Funny Travel Quotes In Ten Words Or Less

51. “I need a vacation of 6 months. Twice a year!” – Anonymous

52. “All I want for Christmas is you forever vacation.” – Anonymous

53. “Backpacking is money spent on education.” – Anonymous

54. “You can’t buy happiness. Okay, explain travel then…” – Anonymous

55. “Get ready, (jet) set, and go.” – Anonymous

56. “It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.” – Anonymous

57. “Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?” – Anonymous

58. “I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.” – Anonymous

59. “travel – because money returns, time doesn’t.” – Anonymous

60. “This is my resting beach face.” – Anonymous

61. “A change of latitude would help my attitude.” – Anonymous

62. “Let’s wander where the WiFi is weak.” – Anonymous

63. “Live a life you don’t need a vacation from.” – Anonymous

64. “You don’t like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.” – Anonymous

65. “Don’t make me slap you with my flip flop.” – Anonymous

66. “A coconut a day keeps the doctor away.” – Anonymous

67. “Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.” – Anonymous

68. “Running to the gate is my cardio.” – Anonymous

69. “I wish that road trips could pay my bills.” – Anonymous

70. “No wifi out here, but I found a better connection.” – Anonymous

"A change of latitude would help my attitude." - Anonymous

One Sentence Funny Travel Quotes

71. “The temptation to go to the airport, buy a one-way ticket, leave the country and live on my own has never been so real.” – Anonymous

72. “Can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 ounces of vodka, or 2 months of travel.” – Anonymous

73. “You’ve never felt true fear until your passport isn’t where you think you left it.” – Anonymous

74. “Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of drugs and an animal carcass as you walk through ‘nothing to declare’ at the airport.” – Anonymous

75. “I feel like most of my problems could be solved with a trip to… well, anywhere.” – Anonymous

76. “High five if you don’t know what you’re doing with your life and just want to travel the world.” – Anonymous

77. “By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling and comes to family events tipsy.” – Anonymous

78. “I just need a large coffee, a plane ticket, and a bag full of cash.” – Anonymous

79. “Tip: You won’t get the holiday blues if you just keep booking holidays.” – Anonymous

80. “When you’re trying to save money for a house, but end up with a one-way ticket to some tropical island.” – Anonymous

81. “I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories.” – Anonymous

82. “If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I’m a size window seat in plane tickets.” – Anonymous

83. “When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Anonymous

84. “How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel.” – Anonymous

85. “Airports: the only place where drinking at 8 am is socially acceptable.” – Anonymous

86. “Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they clap their hands when the plane lands.” – Anonymous

87. “That moment when boarding is complete and the seat next to you is empty.” – Anonymous

88. “Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?” – Anonymous

89. “Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30-degree weather waiting outside for you.” – Anonymous

90. “I wish I had never gone traveling, said no one ever.” – Anonymous

91. “That moment when you’re asked where you got something and you answer with the name of the country, not the name of the store.” – Anonymous

92. “I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords.” – Anonymous

93. “Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?” – Anonymous

94. “You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy plane tickets – which is kind of the same thing.” – Anonymous

95. “Stuck somewhere between ‘I need to save’ and ‘you only live once’.” – Anonymous

96. “You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driver’s license.” – Anonymous

97. “I love those days when my only decision is window or aisle.” – Anonymous

98. “There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.” – Anonymous

99. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine.” – Anonymous

"High five if you don't know what you're doing with your life and just want to travel the world." - Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Travel Quotes

100. “I need a holiday. And by holiday I mean I need to move away and find a job. on the beach. with cocktails.” – Anonymous

101. “I don’t want a house. I just want to travel and pet a lot of dogs.” – Anonymous

102. “Ironing boards are surfboards that gave up their dreams and got a boring job. Don’t be an ironing board.” – Anonymous

103. “I love when people say ‘just quit your job and travel’. Taking an Uber from the bar to my home is the only travel I can afford.” – Anonymous

104. “My parents complain I travel too much. I mean, I could be a drug addict, do they realize how lucky they are?” – Anonymous

105. “Traveling is like a chocolate box. Don’t matter what you get. All is good.” – Anonymous32. “Should I book another flight to go abroad? Brain: no. Wallet: no. Mom: no. Dog: no. Universe: no. Me: I think I’m gonna book the flight.” – Anonymous

106. “Some people spend their life searching for ‘the one’. I’m just searching for the one good travel deal.” – Anonymous

107. “Going on a trip. Need about 5 outfits. I’ve packed 35 just to be safe.” – Anonymous

108. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking margaritas.” – Anonymous

109. “You can’t make everyone happy. You are not a plane ticket.” – Anonymous

110. “Me: ‘I want to travel more’, the bank account: ‘like, to the park?'” – Anonymous

111. “Me: triple-checked packing list. Also me: forgets underwear, contact solution, and favorite chapstick.” – Anonymous

112. “Packs two hours before leaving for a trip. Unpacks three months after coming home.” – Anonymous

113. “Work tip: stand up. stretch. take a walk. go to the airport. get on a plane. never return.” – Anonymous

114. “Normal life: wears the same top every day for a week. Packing for a 3 day vacation: I’ll probably change a few times a day, so I’ll take 21 tops.” – Anonymous

115. “I wish I was a postcard. For under $2 you can travel the world to any location in the world.” – Anonymous

116. “I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.” – Anonymous

117. “I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just needed to go on a vacation.” – Anonymous

118. “The airport is a lawless place. 7 am? Drink a beer. Tired? Sleep on the floor. Hungry? Chips now cost $17.” – Anonymous

119. “Birds literally just eat, travel, and make a mess on things they don’t like. I don’t know about you, but that’s the lifestyle I’m striving for.” – Anonymous

120. “Friend: let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.” – Anonymous

121. “I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just want a paycheck to buy plane tickets.” – Anonymous

122. “Tripophobia (n.) the fear of not having any travel trips currently booked.” – Anonymous

123. “Not all who wander are lost. They’re just looking for coffee.” – Anonymous

124. “Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito.” – Anonymous

125. “Life is short. Call in sick and book that last minute flight.” – Anonymous

126. “I’m a travel addict on the road to recovery. Just kidding, I’m on the road to the airport.” – Anonymous

"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking margaritas." - Anonymous

Miscellaneous Funny Travel Quotes

127. “When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.” – Susan Heller

128. “Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by stark moments of terror.” – Al Boliska

129. “I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.” – Michael LeRoux

130. “Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead.” – Hostelgeeks

131. “It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing please do not read this notice.” – A hotel in Tokyo

"I've had entire relationships that didn't get as far as these airport security checkpoints." - Michael LeRoux

More Inspirational Quotes To Inspire Your Future Travels

If you’re looking for more inspirational quotes to fuel your future travels, than just funny travel quotes, we’ve got you covered.

Couples Travel Quotes

If you’re going on your honeymoon, baby moon, or just love to travel as a couple together, these quotes are for you.

Road Trip Quotes

Are you looking to head out on the open road? These road trip quotes are for you.

Conclusion: Funny Travel Quotes

I hope you enjoyed these funny travel quotes and that they brightened your day as you plan your future travels.

Explore more travel quotes on Pinterest.